Mr. Caputo Teaches DNA
The 4th installment of “Mr. Caputo Teaches,” my experience as an extracurricular science teacher in elementary and middle schools across Massachusetts.
“I don’t need to listen to you. I can just look this up on the Internet,” said the six-year-old girl.I look up, and she sits smiling in front of me, probably congratulating herself for making such a witty comment . Behind her, two boys are having a private conversation. To her left, another student makes a penis joke before calling me a smartypants.
There are only six children in my Monday kindergarten-group in Newtown, MA, but last week I was unable to keep them engaged or behaved. The topic should have worked; DNA is my specialty and the project was an arm-lengths model of the double-helix. But they talked through my questions, stomped on the spray-painted pasta, (representing the phosphate backbone and amino acids), fought each other with the dowels and purposely rubbed spit-soaked yarn on my hands as helped them string everything together.
When I saw the project would not be finished in time I told everyone to clean up and that I’d be speaking to their parents. Rather than listing their misdeeds, I calmly let each mother or nanny know the class could have gone a little better and next time I would appreciate a bit more attention. I couldn’t say what I was feeling. Your kid is a monster, is not conductive to problem-solving.
Over the weekend my boss called his teaching staff to have a discussion on classroom management. (He claims I’m not the only person who’s been having these troubles). I vented my issues and received advice. My boss said because the children who attend this particular school are affluent they are more likely to test new people. Others said I should be more of a disciplinarian and establish class rules from the start or move seats around so friends don’t sit with one another.
These suggestions make sense, and I will begin to use them, but I know they will make me incredibly uncool. Ever since beginning this job I’ve had a clash of identities. There’s Mr. Caputo the professional and Joe the young graduate student. (To even counter the title I go by Mr. Joseph in some of my classes). Can my role as a disciplinarian to this kindergarten group coexist with the laid-back, fun classroom I want to run? It can with the middle-schoolers, but with the young kids I have to be the adult.
I’m dreading this coming Monday when I have to face them again. I’ll begin by reminding those six students how I spoke to their parents and my right to remove them from my classroom. I will not speak unless the room is silent and will take things away if they are not used properly. For that one kid who was able to listen and work last Monday, I’m sorry, but this is the way I have to be if we’re going to learn science.